Reality Fug

From a recent reality television event in Hollywood comes three cautionary tales:

1) Heidi Strobel of Survivor:

Heidi teaches us that breasts are not meant to look like eggs. And any top that pushes your girls around in such a way that they look like a giant duck gave birth on your chest -- well, that is not a top that should be worn outside the house. And let's not even get into her "tan."

2) Jenna Lewis, also of Survivor:

Those are cute shoes. I think Jessica has those in red. And the skirt isn't that bad. Oh, and I like leather jackets, generally. And the sequined shirt, while not my personal style, is very LA club-scene. So what's wrong with this picture? Everything, in that none of it really belongs in the same ensemble. There is a fine line between fresh showgirl and fresh-faced school girl, Jenna, and it doesn't like to be straddled like a man on a sex tape. [P.S. Lopsided hair doesn't make you look cute. It makes you look like you rolled out of the limo drunk and half your updo fell out.]

3) Finally, here's Trishelle from The Real World:

I'll grant that Trishelle usually looks worse than this, but it doesn't negate the fact that she's wearing a red satin sack that appears to be fitted only slightly, and down by her pelvis. She probably just wants to draw attention to her favorite and most-used body part, but instead it just makes her look like she has a drawstring. But the worst part -- it's more visible on a close-up -- is the little swatch of flesh-toned fabric poking out on her left shoulder. Yes, Trishelle wore a high, v-necked camisole under this low, straight-cut camisole-style dress. She looks like Miss Hannigan.

The lesson here: Miss Hannigan, while the real hero of Annie, dresses less for public consumption and more for bathtub gin consumption. So unless Trishelle is on her way to locking herself in the lav with a glass, a ladel, and a giant paddle for stirring, then she's wearing the wrong thing.