Little Ditty 'Bout Fug and Diane

"Hey, Rose."

"Hey -- nice to see you again... Blond Person! Remind me again who you are?"

"I'm Diane Kruger. I'm in that new Josh Hartnett movie with you."

"And I am...?"

"Rose something. Basically, you're The Other Chick From That New Josh Hartnett movie."

"Oh, okay. Do other people know who we are?"

"No, nobody really cares, but that's what the premiere is for -- to make people notice. What are you going to wear?"

"I have this great little taffeta skirt that totally shows off my pot belly, and a cotton tube top in a similar-but-not-close-enough shade of green that makes me look really slouchy! I'm so excited. My shoulders are already rolling forward in anticipation."

"Oooh -- make sure you use a lot of hairspray with that look. And if possible, have a faint tan line."

"Done. Thanks, Rebecca -- you're the best."

"It's Diane."

"Right. So, what are you wearing?"

"You are going to LOVE this. Okay: I had this old bridesmaid's dress, right, this kind of midnight-blue thing with stitching on it. But it had a giant stain on the skirt, because one of the groomsmen got too excited in the limo, you know? But everyone kept telling me it was such a great dress, and one I could wear on another occasion, right... "

"... Oh, I think it's a bride's duty to pick out a bridesmaid's dress that you can wear again...."

"I know, it's just sensible. But my stylist wanted me to wear this de-rigeur black and white thing with a fitted skirt and ruffle explosion at the bottom, but the top gave me quadra-boob! It was terrible! So you know what I did?"

"No, but I have a feeling it's going to be ABsoLUTE magic."

"I had this brainwave -- I took the top of the blue dress and the bottom of the white dress and STITCHED THEM TOGETHER."

"No!!!"

"Yes!! Ohmygod it's going to be so bitchin'."

"You are a GENIUS, Naomi!"

"Diane. I'm Diane."

"Right, right. And what movie are you in again?"

0 comments: