The Big Fug

Photogs: "Ellen! Ellen Barkin? Over here! Ellen! Ellen!"

Ellen Barkin: "Erg. Hurts to turn my head. Hang on. Ouch. Oooch. Ooooooc. Okay."

Photogs: "Ellen! Ellen! Smile for us, baby!"

Ellen Barkin: "I am smiling."

Photogs: "Smile! Ellen! Ellen! Give us a smile, Ellen!"

Ellen Barkin: "I AM smiling!"

Photogs: "Come on, baby, it can't be that bad! Show us those pretty veneers you had Ron Whatshisname, that Revlon guy, buy you!"

Ellen Barkin: "Seriously. This is me smiling. This is as smiley as I can get."

Photogs: "ELLEN! Baby! It's not a funeral! Pearly whites! Pearly whites!"

Ellen Barkin:"Listen, assholes. This is as good a smile as you're going to get. Thanks to the Botox and the face lift and the Botox and the other face lift, I can barely chew a stick of Nicorette, much less actually open my fucking mouth. So take the picture and shut your fat faces."

Photogs: "God. Fine. Whatever."

Flashbulbs!